*(Verse 1)* I rang up Telstra, needed a hand, My internet's slower than a snail in the sand. The hold music's playing, it's a funky jam, But I've been on hold since last week! *(Chorus)* Oh Telstra, Telstra, why do you mock? Your service is slower than a sleepy koala's walk. I just want my Wi-Fi, is that too much to ask? But dealing with you is a pain in the ass! *(Verse 2)* Finally got through, spoke to a bloke named Steve, He said, 'Turn it off and on,' I couldn't believe. I did what he said, but nothing's improved, Now I'm stuck in a loop, feeling quite bemused. *(Chorus)* Oh Telstra, Telstra, why do you mock? Your service is slower than a sleepy koala's walk. I just want my Wi-Fi, is that too much to ask? But dealing with you is a pain in the ass! *(Bridge)* They sent a techie, he rocked up at dawn, Looked at my router, said, 'It's all gone wrong.' He fiddled and faddled, then gave me a grin, 'Your internet's fixed!' but it crashed again. *(Chorus)* Oh Telstra, Telstra, why do you mock? Your service is slower than a sleepy koala's walk. I just want my Wi-Fi, is that too much to ask? But dealing with you is a pain in the ass! *(Outro)* S